Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
