so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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