i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
