Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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