I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
