I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
