I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
