Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
