I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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