I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
