I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
