OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
