you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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