Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
