I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
