I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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