I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
