im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
