Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
