I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
