His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
