Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
