Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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