Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i dont even know how to be here
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How's work?
Spinning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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