your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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