I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
