we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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