last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
