just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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