so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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