All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
