I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
