Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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