Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
