She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
