im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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