her vagine was all disorganized.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
