Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
