hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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