hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingđ
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Unless my dick prospects improve this yearâs Halloween costume will include panties with âDTFâ written on them and a push up bra
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