dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
