It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I enjoy the company of your penis
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
