I hate all girls vehemently.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
