I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
