So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
