Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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