I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
