i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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