I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
