He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
