I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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