Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this hospital has no fireball
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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